Why I got naked to empower myself

* This blog contains adult pictures that some people may find offensive 

I dedicated this year to empowering myself, spiritually, mentally, financially, and physically. The best way to start anything is to take everything off, and start all over. So I took it all off, for the camera. I wanted to showcase that I have life on me. And I am very proud of that! 
 A couple of years ago I posed almost naked in front of the camera so that I can capture the “perfect” (or at least what I thought was perfect at the time) body after having two babies.  After a yearlong tour in Iraq I returned home with an amazing body. At 5’6” I weighed in at 130 pounds with toned arms and legs. Who wouldn't want to show that off? The day before the pictures I got a mani pedi, my eyebrows waxed, shaved EVERYTHING and even went shopping for new underwear. The morning of the photo shoot I got my hair and makeup professionally done. I even asked the photographer to airbrush all my tattoos.  They turned out perfect! It showcases a side of me that is perfect, perfect hair, perfect nails, and perfect makeup. Everything in that picture is in place.

But now almost ten years later I look at it and realize that even though it’s a beautiful picture of me it doesn’t show ME. The me that has life, the me that isn’t perfect. The me that is a mom of four beautiful children, they changed my life and my body forever. The me who doesn't have time to get a mani pedi or my hair done or even shave my legs on a regular basis. That’s the me I wanted to showcase. So I asked my friend and photographer to capture this moment in my life, the not so perfect me, but the woman in me who is in its perfect place.

The morning of the pictures my alarm rang at a quarter to six but there was no hair or makeup appointment. Only lunches to pack and breakfasts’ to cook and buses to catch. By noon I had still hadn't showered, my chores kept me busy.  I had plans to do my own hair, because going to get my hair done is a rare occurrence, but like I mentioned household chores can be consuming.  One hour before my picture appointment I hoped in the shower, washed my hair and got ready to go. Nothing fancy just some yoga pants and a t-shirt (my everyday apparel).  No makeup, no fresh manicure on my nails, just me. The me with life on, all the rolls and stretch marks that I've earned along the way,

I took it all off for the camera. Showcasing how perfect I am right now. Even though I’m a big girl I'm loving every minute of me. But why was it so important to me? A couple of months ago I weighed in at 214. My marriage was in a difficult place because he viewed me as I viewed myself, not beautiful enough, not woman enough because I was overweight. 

I bought life into this world! 

I needed to remind myself that I am ALL woman and God made us all shapes and sizes and each one of us are beautifully made. I went back to basics.... love yourself before you can love anyone else.

And for me that meant loving that I gained almost 80 pounds in 9 years! I'm not making excuses I'm acknowledging that I had two more kids, gained some weight, got lazy, gained more weight! But just because  I gained weight doesn't mean that I have to look down on myself and think I'm less beautiful or  less important.

The best way for me to start over,   was to get naked,  and to love every part of that mirror, all 214 pounds. It wasn't easy. 

 Once I changed the way I looked at myself so did everyone else.  This DOES NOT  mean I want to be this weight forever. I’m working on my body but I’m not obsessing about every single pound. Slowly but surely it’s coming off. I’m down to 196 and I love it, not because I’m losing weight but because I have  made it a point to love every stage of my life. 

Loving me is more important than any number on the scale. 

A decade ago it was all about everything in its place this time its ME in the right place!

At this point in my life I needed to take it back to basics. Love yourself before you can love anyone else. I love what I see...all the imperfections make me perfect!

I want to give a special thank you to Laura Chiles for capturing this great moment in my life. My vision would not have been possible without her! 
http://www.facebook.com/laurachilesphotographer
www.laurachiles.com
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